What recapture my heart these days:

Recalled watching Ernie or was it Earnest and his list tv show a few years ago and dismissed it as a pathetic moral fake-ness to do all the good u can b4 you die. Ironically, am now sub-consciously listing down names of people with needs before I regret not “wasting” my time on people that I love and care about. People on mind are long-lost friends I hardly keep in touch anymore and family in Christ who share their burdens with me.

Re-read purpose driven life, this time conscientiously keeping to 1 chapter per day to do serious reflection on. Tomorrow is the final 40^th chapter. Thank God for his saving grace, allowing old teaching to rebirth itself into a deeper insight: a simple purposeful living for Him each new day. Another book I fall madly for after all this while is “Mere Christianity” by C.S Lewis. Heavy stuffs on the law of nature and morality bent on Christianity but compare to what I learnt (forced to learn) from moral studies I took back in my first year of uni, it was erm refreshing?

Reflected on John Piper’s mission statement and all his humble teaching on taking delight and living for God’s glory. It’s been a month since my church finished The Blazing Center, “the soul-satisfying supremacy of God in All things”. What I have kept with me till now was the coined term: Christian Hedonism, something that I find moving and enlightening at the same time. Failed to see the urgency to orbit around God and losing myself into all unending insignificance of life, e.g the person in the mirror chasing to be pleased, to look good, and to fall in love and be loved for once. But when He comes into the picture,

I found no pleasure in pleasing myself anymore; for once I’m truly and madly in love with Him all over again- He who gives me character to build on, and make me walk aright. That’s my view of Christian Hedonism- to fall in love with Jesus over and over, centering Him as my utmost precious source of delight.

Re-enter distractions of social network and phone calls interruptions. It’s funny, the ways people initiate interests: arousing pity, pulling out common pick up lines, and pushing every single small talk through a dead conversation just to conclude “hey we have something in common!” line.  Sometimes, it’s unnatural how I ought to feel flattered but oh how frighteningly persistent boys can be. If anything, it’s amusing how people fall for another. Can people really like someone they don’t even know personally? What I do know is, it took me years to develop interest for someone I like after plowing through the test of true friendship. Point in case, being single is the best gift God gives me so far. Or else, it would deter me from immersing full love for Him. My prayer is that God will lead me to a guy who will put Him first before me or before anyone/anything else the world can offer him.

Raving madness on upcoming events: church camp, jam session. Oh how wonderful it is to sing for God and listening to the cello…:p

Reminiscing and repressing those moments at the foreign land. There was something I grasped at, in that first moment of longing: the excellent sceneries, the cool refreshing walk…All that fades away in the reality. Those moments I thought I longed to last longer…can it really satisfy and excites me forever? Home is a place that I can speak of when I am away from it. A place that, oddly enough, shakes the stasis in my mind: however uncomfortable and despicable home is, I remember me at the moment of my growing up, on my land I called home. The bigger the world gets the smaller I feel. This is like gazing at the stars in the night sky and feeling utterly and hopelessly insignificant, only it’s a lot less abstract.

That’s not really a bad thing, this insignificant feeling. When I finally saw the other side of the world instead of the map, there’s this magnified sense of awe. Who could’ve created the rainbow, the sunset, the orange clouds, the far-fetched greeneries, the lively waves rushing towards the land and back to the vast ocean? When you look at beauty, you can’t help but feel insignificant, yet grateful that you’re part of His whole plan.

My temporary leaving reminds me of things which could differ, and struggle through with smiles now that I’m finally back. We all could, and we all will.

Retiring from blogging for God. For now.:p